A Better Opportunity

I’ve been stuck in the same job and I am miserable and have no future. I want to make a better opportunity for myself and my future so that my kids won’t see me like this someday.

I’ve been jealous of my cousins and friends that they have gone far and gotten a good education. They are now registered nurses in Norway, United States, and my country because of all the hard work from school they did. One of the biggest things is that they have diplomas that helped them to achieve their dreams. My husband motivated me and encouraged me to get a GED certificate so I won’t be stuck on the bottom and not to waste my time. Also, I have a friend telling me to get the GED diploma so I can go to college and get the career that I want. My husband is an electrical engineer and graduated from San Luis Obispo University in Santa Maria.

I just don’t want to be stuck in the job and the same field I’ve been in. I’ve never been happy and I’m miserable especially now. It’s hard for me to find a job because I don’t have diploma. If I go to agencies they ask for a diploma or GED certificate. I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. I feel like a useless person and I go home sad and depressed because I don’t have a diploma or GED certificate.

Sometimes, I remember my past and I have a lot of negative thoughts in mind. I should’ve gone to school before so that I wouldn’t be struggling to find the job that I like now. With a GED certificate or diploma it is very easy to find a job. I want to go back to school to get my degree but I don’t know how to start because I don’t have confidence. I haven’t gone to school in a long time since I only completed elementary school. I wish I graduated like my cousins and my siblings. I’m really jealous of them that they have diploma and they have lots of confidence because they have diplomas. Some of my family thinks I have one but I lied to them because I’m embarrassed to tell the truth. At agencies, if I go to apply and there’s school history to fill out, that makes me uncomfortable. I’m still haunted with shame and so I lie because I don’t want them to know. I really want to get my GED diploma so that I’ll be proud of myself and stop lying. I want them to be proud of me. I have so many regrets in my life about education. If I’d stayed in school, I would probably already have finished college 5 yrs ago.

I took an exam to get a diploma in my country but I didn’t pass. I was pissed and angry at myself. I feel so stupid, like a failure. Now I’m 32 and it’s been 19 years since I was in school. I don’t know if I can still do it but I’m hoping and sending lots of prayer to God to help me out.

I want to be a nurse or a business woman someday so that my family will be proud of me. I have a lot of dreams in my life that I want to achieve - to be a good mother and for my children to see that I have an education and have more confidence so that they are not embarrassed anymore that their mother has no education.

I really struggle with math and essays. But when I was in elementary school, I really liked Math but it didn’t stick. My husband helped me with math but I still don’t get it. He made me cry sometimes. He is so tough on me. He wants to make me understand. I went to community college and the teachers were good but it didn’t help me to remember.