When I See My Kids...

What motivated you to get your GED degree? I want to go to school to better myself, but I can’t because I haven’t been in school since 1994. I’m scared to death that I won’t be able to remember anything. I have a fear that I won’t be able to pass the test, so I just let it go. I can’t find a good paying job. I feel like my husband looks at me like I can’t achieve anything, and I make excuses as to why I don’t want to get my diploma. It’s not that at all. I’m afraid of failing and not being good enough to pass this test. I haven’t studied in years.

How have your friends and family helped you? My family has not really helped me. They have told me I need my diploma, but they don’t push me in the right direction. When I got pregnant with my baby at 18-years-old, the same year I was to graduate, they gave up on me.

What problems have you faced? I was in a car accident when I was 17. I couldn’t remember a lot of things after that. I went into a deep depression and started looking at boys. I completely lost control of my dreams and engaged with a much older man than me who wanted all my time. I felt loved by him. School was on the back burner after that. It didn’t mean anything to me anymore. Then I got pregnant and dropped out. I was feeling guilty and didn’t want anyone knowing what I was going through, so I dropped out. I want help getting my GED diploma, but I have not attended school in years. I’m scared to death I will fail. I don’t think I can handle being rejected!

What do you hope to gain from getting your GED degree? I want to obtain my diploma so I can obtain better employment. I don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck. I want a nest-egg. I’m 34 years old. I want to be able to call up all my loved ones and tell them I accomplished something important to me. I want a better future for my children, and I want to show them their mom is somebody to feel proud of. This is so important to me. My dreams are to go to school and hopefully get into the medical field. I love helping people anyway I can. I lost my previous husband due to a tragic event, and now it’s just me. I was young when I lost my kids due to depression. I have 2 years before they come home, and I want them to be proud of their mom. My story is hard to tell, but I’m writing it to strangers that I hope will take me into consideration. I need God to give me a break and make me feel like there is hope, because right now I don’t feel it.

Do you have more to your story? When I was 20 years old, I was going through so much with my kids. A diploma was the last thing on my mind. My kids came first. I was in a really bad, abusive relationship with my daughters’ father that the law had been called to my resident’s many times. Then social workers got involved, and no matter what I did, they still found away to take my kids away. Four years later, after they drained me and my family mentally and financially, we had no money left. I had no choice but to say goodbye to them. The last time I saw them my oldest was 4 years old and my baby 2. I have not seen them since, but I’ve always had faith that I would see them again. Next month, my oldest will be 17 years old and my youngest 15. I will wait as long as it takes, but I need to make something of myself before they come home. Their father left them at such a young age due to self harm, and all they will have is me. I want them to know I’ve always loved them and can’t wait to see them soon with my diploma.